absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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