Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
