weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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