I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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