But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
