I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
