when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
