It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize