so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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