Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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