I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
