you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
