sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
