Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
