You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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