I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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