fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize