theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
