toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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