I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
