I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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