they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were trust falling into bushes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
