just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
