I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
