Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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