My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We need a shit load of segways right now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
