Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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