I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
