OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
