pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
