if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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