So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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