Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
