exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
