It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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