1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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