My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
