She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
