Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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