went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
