He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
