He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
