Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
