Michael Bay diarrhea
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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