dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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