C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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