He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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