then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
