did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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