I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
