I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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