I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
