You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize