1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
