She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
