I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
