How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
