He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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