Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
