She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
