i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
