You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
