There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
