and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize