Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
3pm strippers are depressing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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