someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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