Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
