So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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