i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
