how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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