Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i now understand why vodka
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize