It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
