all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
