woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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