Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
