I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize