yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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