im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
