You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
