My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
