I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
