honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
