hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
