Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
