The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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