Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
