Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
