Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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