My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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