a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
