hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
