ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
