dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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