Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
