I hate all girls vehemently.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize