remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
