i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
