What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
