So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
