My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
