I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize