great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
