Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
